The fact of being unable to keep or maintain something or someone.

No longer known. To be defeated. 

In my case, loss, lost. 

I have endured quite a bit of loss over the years especially in the short time frame of what life is. I have even said I wish people knew me before the loss or the before. I am learning and coming to a strong footing that who I am today is a beautiful reflection of what was the past and what is today. It is beautiful and transparent. We should always be growing and shaping? evaluating flaws and imperfections yet striving towards the design of grace laid out before us. Although the loss is great, the days ahead are grounded on the truth of resilience, gratitude, and humility. Learning who we are and becoming into that is an incredible gift. Thankful for the highs and the lows that allow for the space in between. Right there is the best place to be. 

Eleven years ago I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor that I still live with to this day. 

And who I was years ago is still Maloree. The same heart that I started this journey with is still the same? 

That soft whisper from God? ?Do you trust me? And are you going to persevere or give in?? Still sits with me at this moment. 

Trust is one of the most basic words we learn about from day one out of the womb to even our relationship with Jesus. Without even distinctly being aware as a newborn baby, we naturally lean on our parents with assured reliance that they will feed us, care for us, and provide every basic need we could ever imagine or hope for. The same goes for your relationship with God? from day one we place confidence in the one who created everything. We fully rely upon and place confidence in Him to provide, guide, and lead us in the way of life. Trust becomes one of the most basic aspects of life, yet I think, oftentimes, it is equally one of the hardest things to fully grasp onto and have full confident expectation in. When I was first told I had a large mass in what they thought then was my sinus cavity, I knew I had to make a choice. I had peace knowing full well that whatever the outcome may be that I need to choose to persevere. The internal struggle that I juggled within my mind of a silent disease being in front of me weighed heavy and sometimes still does, but I knew I had to fight for me, advocate for what was going on and still is a part of my journey and my future journey, and believe in the miracle. 

God?s plan wins. It is not a competition. It just is. We may steer off and go every which way, but His plan ultimately is the end. And it still is. 

Do you trust me then?

Do you trust me now? 

I do not believe that the trust ever stops. The trust is the forward motion that gives the heart flutters, the peace in the storm, and the reawakened confidence in the days ahead. 

These coming days are unknown and uncomfortably familiar with the yearly routine of visiting doctors, having scans, drawing labs, and talking with old and new specialists about the same thing that was introduced to me years ago.

What started out as the size of a lemon has shrunken down to merely nothing. Although, still present with lab values that fluctuate and become intertwined with confusion of insurance appeals and always recognizing that we are the forefront of our own selves. 

I never wanted it to be about a tumor, a disease, or even myself. I boldly stepped out back then to share my story so that there may be a seed planted for the kingdom days ahead. I mean think about it? we all have these wildly beautiful stories to tell no matter how simple or complex they may be. We are the walking vessels of impact and resolutions and miracles for the days ahead. 

?This is what the Lord says?the Lord who made the earth, who formed and established it, whose name is the Lord: Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. -Jeremiah 33

He will never abandon. 

That is the beauty of trust. 

He reassures me again and again and again. 

Yet, there are many days we lose the confidence of what that reliance looks like. And He whispers again? do you trust me?

I do not have black and white answers to so many questions. But one thing I know for sure? I hope and pray DAILY that I do have a black and white answer to that question that Jesus asks every single day. And I encourage you with the same? Do you trust Him? Do you trust Him in the small and the big details? It is not easy, but it is every bit worth it. 

I think to some degree we each are praying for our own big and little miracles each and every day. In this moment, I truly hope that your miracle is and will come in such a way that has one falling on their knees worshipping Jesus saying? look what God did! 

A lot has happened these past years but there is so much more to come?

A tumor went from a lemon to only cells?

Lab results greater than 55,000 (should be less than 20) are down below 100?

Outstretched optic nerves that through exams seem healthy?

The unexplained still unexplained because? God. 

Thank you for being a part of this journey in the today. One of the greatest gifts I can ever receive from my friends is the gift of presence, prayer, and powerful words. Thank you.

May is National Brain Tumor Awareness month. As a patient with a brain tumor, this month is very special to me. 

In January, I'll be running the 2026 Walt Disney World? Marathon Weekend on the Gray Nation Endurance Team in support of the National Brain Tumor Society! Please consider making a donation to my fundraising page to support my running and fundraising goals. 

National Brain Tumor Society (NBTS) unrelentingly invests in, mobilizes, and unites the brain tumor community to discover a cure, deliver effective treatments, and advocate for patients and caregivers.

Building on over 30 years of experience, the National Brain Tumor Society is the largest patient advocacy organization in the United States committed to curing brain tumors and improving the lives of patients and families. With thousands beside us, our collective voices and actions are a powerful force for progress.

Please make a gift today, and together we can defeat brain tumors? once and for all.

Here is a little bit of my story: https://braintumor.org/news/ten-years/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR7v9N6w7DacqUgb7OOjRE-p88QQdgA-LyWAAOop1Ed0oamLp-V8R2nqVK_ehw_aem_LUL8y7qST11dabUYzN1lLg