And hand them over to a trusted team of medical professionals who can examine them to ensure you don't have any sneaky cancer up in there.

Hi, my name is Billie, and about two months after my 38th birthday in 2025, a quick bop to the walk-in clinic dramatically led to my very first colonoscopy and a Stage IV Colorectal Cancer diagnosis. I named my tumor Carla. She'd set up shop in my sigmoid colon, and had busted through its wall like the a Kool-Aid Man made of evil jello, with her tentacles wrapped around my small intestine... and as if that weren't enough, she was about to take over my bladder, too. She had also established satellite offices in my liver and had compromised a few lymph nodes. Traitors.

Since then, I've had surgery to yeet Mindflayer Carla, a radio-frequency ablation procedure on my liver and endured 12 rounds of chemotherapy (FOLFOX is no joke). And since my body enjoys making things unnecessarily complicated, we're preparing for another surgery to remove the angry "B!tch A$s Lymph NodeTM" that made me fail my first post-treatment PET scan.

I'm a maker. Making is how I deal. And to an old therapist's dismay, I also use my inappropriate and dark sense of humor to navigate tumultuous life waters (ew). And so, I made this shirt.

Underneath the booty jokes is a very serious message, friends. Please don't assume that Colorectal Cancer is an "old person" disease. In the U.S., Colorectal Cancer is currently the #1 cause of cancer death among persons under 50, and rates in younger adults continue to rise. For people at average risk, screening for CRC is recommended beginning at 45, which is proving to be far too young. I would have been dead.

It would make my heart flutter to print these shirts myself (screen printing is mah liiiiife), but since my body is currently a poopoo head, I'm grateful for Bonfire and their ability to be a catalyst for awareness.

The profits from this campaign will help cover my medical costs and keep my beloved Condo Cow, Millie (my rescue pitty-mix who is my reason for living) supplied with the necessities of life: food, treats and a toy or two to keep her entertained sometimes so Mama can keep some energy for recovery.

And if this campaign brings in more than I need, I will be donating those dollars to Colorectal Cancer research and awareness.

Yo, if one silly shirt could get someone, anyone (YOU?!), to schedule a screening, have that awkward talk with their doc about weird bowel movements, or pay attention to a symptom they've been ignoring, then that's pretty cool beans.

Love your guts.

Love YOURSELF.

And love your people.

Okibyeeee <3